It's 23:31 and I'm sitting in my dark room with this rush of sadness that I started feeling a few moments ago. I don't know what's happening to me lately, I can get from angry, to content, to happy, to hype and to sad just in a few minutes. It's all a circle. These little things happen, little people say words and act in specific ways that just affect me way to much. I get so scared that I'll ruin things and get even lonelier. I don't know if certain people even want to be around me. I don't know if I'm too loud, or too quiet, if I talk too much, or if I should talk more. So confused by all the reactions. I guess I'm just anti-social.
I'm even more terrified of the fact that I'm going to visit Miki for the first time in two days. It's not that I don't want to visit her, I REALLY do, but I'm scared that I'll start behaving in a weird way, say awkward things and she'll start seeing me in a different way. That she'll see the real life me and won't like the person she sees. That I'll lose her, one of, if not the only real friend I ever had, because of that.
Right now I'm making a mix cd for her. I'm putting some old stuff we both love there and some new songs that I think she might get addicted to just as I am. I've been working on the graphic booklet for it for quite a long time and honestly, I don't like it. I took a bad direction, including all the lyrics on each page. Should have made it just a single quote, or a chorus. I don't know if I'll manage to do it on time...ehhh. I guess I'll get to work already instead of writing this pointless note. Since all I wanted to write was really that Sara was right in the Monday x3 lyrics. The best idea ever is just to "damn your moodswings" and get yourself together. Please, please, please do ittttt.