I kind of made a step towards making this blog more viewer-friendly. Created a link to comment after each post. I doubt anyone will leave comments, but...yeah, it seems right this way.
Anyway. I just finished writing this stupid composition for my English Classes. It was a short story which had to end with words "better late than never". It's just as stupid as it sounds and the thing came out sounding like a country music video scenario. Hey, maybe that's my future carreeer?!
Tomorrow I'm visiting Miki. I'm still really scared, but it's better than yesterday, I think. We texted a lot today. And I still haven't finished the mix cd! I'm a lazy cow.
So yeah, I guess it would be it for today. Shallow, I know. Oh, did I mention that I totally failed the maths test I had today? Spent nearly 5 hours studying for it and I failedddddddd. I'm going to work on the booklet pages in Photoshop now. Bye bloggy :3.



It's 23:31 and I'm sitting in my dark room with this rush of sadness that I started feeling a few moments ago. I don't know what's happening to me lately, I can get from angry, to content, to happy, to hype and to sad just in a few minutes. It's all a circle. These little things happen, little people say words and act in specific ways that just affect me way to much. I get so scared that I'll ruin things and get even lonelier. I don't know if certain people even want to be around me. I don't know if I'm too loud, or too quiet, if I talk too much, or if I should talk more. So confused by all the reactions. I guess I'm just anti-social.
I'm even more terrified of the fact that I'm going to visit Miki for the first time in two days. It's not that I don't want to visit her, I REALLY do, but I'm scared that I'll start behaving in a weird way, say awkward things and she'll start seeing me in a different way. That she'll see the real life me and won't like the person she sees. That I'll lose her, one of, if not the only real friend I ever had, because of that.
Right now I'm making a mix cd for her. I'm putting some old stuff we both love there and some new songs that I think she might get addicted to just as I am. I've been working on the graphic booklet for it for quite a long time and honestly, I don't like it. I took a bad direction, including all the lyrics on each page. Should have made it just a single quote, or a chorus. I don't know if I'll manage to do it on time...ehhh. I guess I'll get to work already instead of writing this pointless note. Since all I wanted to write was really that Sara was right in the Monday x3 lyrics. The best idea ever is just to "damn your moodswings" and get yourself together. Please, please, please do ittttt.



Last night I had this really long dream. In some way it involved around two/three weeks. In the dream I was 19 and just moved to Montreal. I found this nice little apartament located next to a park and started working as a graphic designer for some recording company.
The dream started when I've been living there for a week already and I was on the subway, going back home from work. I was sitting there watching people around me and then this girl sat next to me...and it was Sara K. Quin. I was so shocked I thought I wasn't breathing, but after a while I got this sudden rush of confidence and decided to start a conversation. So I introduced myself and we talked about some random things...I told her that I just moved there from Warsaw. She said that my English is really good and that it doesn't sound like it's my second language.
After a while I found out that she was going home as well and that she lived near to the same exact station as me. We got out of the subway together and the next thing I knew was finding out that I'm actually her new neighbour. The next two and a half weeks revolved around getting to know her, the city and getting used to my new life. And as unreal as it sounds, I remember it all with so many details and little conversations I've been having in the dream, that I actually thought that it was really happening for a minute. I'm not going to get into all these details, as I could probably write a whole novel about that dream, but I woke up dissapointed and creeped out that my dream involved having a relationship with a famous musician I've never met. And kind of wishing that at 19 I would have a life at least remotely close to the one I had there. Maybe without the Sara part, even though honestly - I wouldn't mind that, haha. But being serious again, I remember this bit of the dream when I woke up in the bed of my Montreal apartament, looked around and actually felt proud of my life. That's the feeling I want to experience someday.



This evening has taught me one thing - sometimes letting others know about your thoughts isn't the best idea. Sometimes you should just keep them in your mind, even though they're screaming to be written down/spoken out. Lock your floorplan somewhere no one can see it.
A few days ago, me and one of my best friends started talking to each other again. He's always been one of the few people that I thought understood me pretty well and always managed to make me laugh. Some time ago I lost that feeling in our conversations and soon after we got into a fight which resulted in a pretty long silence between us. But a few days ago the silence broke and I thought that everything was going well again...until today. We were talking about some random stuff that was happening in our lives. But it felt like talking to some...I don't know, robot? Definitely not the same person I used to be so close to. I didn't say anything about it, 'cause the last thing I wanted was another fight with him, so I sent a twitter update saying... "It's sad how he's not able to understand me anymore...we used to be so alike when it came to sense of humour and all..now it's just awkward." . And the next thing I know is him writing, in this robotic manner similar to our whole convo, something like 'I hope that you do well in life. Goodbye'.
At this point I was just psyched out/pissed at myself/....wait, I had no idea what to feel like. I don't know if I offended him because I wrote it on Twitter and not to him, or because I couldn't accept the fact that he's changed...I don't know what to think anymore. I just know that I should have kept my hands off my keyboard and should have locked my thoughts inside my mind. Maybe floorplans aren't the best things to do at times? I always thought that expressing myself is one of the most important things in life... I don't know if it's worth it. Mixed feelings. Did I just lose him forever, was he captured by some aliens or is he going to come back to being himself again? If he does come back, but still in his robotic way, will I be able to accept him?